Tuesday, June 22, 2004
- Didja miss me? (+ Harry Potter)
It's been such a long time since i last updated this blog. A ton of things has happened since the last update, i'd be hard pressed to squeeze it all in one entry.
First, my birthday on June the 15th. A large thanks to those who remembered- i couldnt have survived the day with calls from only aunties. Now I'm 16, and besides being able to watch a new range of movies (legally), my age is now an even number.
Go even numbers.
I also got a Gmail account, thanks to Caroline and newly aquinted Jan. Thank you Jan, i will never forget this blessing you have bestowed on me. You qualify for blind idol worship, although you probably already knew that with your divine genius. Thank you again, and did i mention you rock.
"But Jeremy, this is all old news! With so many happenings, why didnt you post a blog entry sooner" you ask? My birthday andass kissing worthy praise didnt move me enough for a blog entry. I also had a little demon who had taken residence a long time ago inside me, names laziness. I hate him, but i enjoy having him. And i hate enjoying having him as well.
I needed something so incredibly interesting that i couldnt help but write about it.
And that thing came, in the form of one of the worst movies i have seen in a very long time- Enter the third installment Harry Potter
Don't get me wrong, i have nothing against the series or the book. I do not diss to get recognition, but the movie i watched was wrong for so many reasons i apologize if it does sound like it.
Now be warned, there are spoilers ahead, though i dont think it'll make the movie any worse than it already is. From there on out, it could only get better.
We're greeted with a scene which shows Harry Potter and tiny special effects to remind us, the viewers, the the movie will actually involve magic. I cant find any other explanation for it, except that it was created with no purpose whatsoever, and viewers like me would be too distracted by this pointless sight to concentrate on the rest of the movie, which in my case would have been considered a plus.
Unfortunately, my brain was cursed with the gift of "giving things a chance", and so i decided to forget the introduction and move on, in hopes of enjoying the movie. Of all the bad decisions in my life, I can safely say that was one of the worst.
The ensuing scenes started to then cut up any hope of this being a movie worth spending money on, and i slowly started to concentrate more on my popcorn.
After Harry steps onto the Knight Bus, we're introduced to a talking Shrunken Head. Not exactly the best media for humour, but I'll give him originality points. However, its jokes were about as bad as its looks, and i decided they were probably linked somehow. Sadly, it was also the funniest thing for an hour, but no matter how much bigger 2 is than 0, it is still a tiny number, which is more than you can say for 0.
On the train we meet a Nazgul, and Harry (being the protagonist) automatically became the ring bearer. Throughout the entire story we see Nazgul do nothing more than fly around and do Nazgul shit (Play haunt the ringbearer, such as fly around Hogwarts- which suddenly had a clock tower zapped straight from Zelda, the same way the leaky cauldron had morphed into knockturn alley, and the theatre had morphed into a torture chamber.
There are a ton of things i could say but i'll sum it up in one nice word- Incomplete. The movie had a plot so simple, so rushed, it could have been done in an hour. What was the other hour? Alot of bad scenes (hippogriff riding, wine glass breaking, bus-between-bus action) designed for cheap laughs, and seeing as how i find stupidity funny, I had alot of cheap laughs.
Of course the movie had its moments, like when a small chubby negro said to Harry at the dinner table "Black is everywhere! It's like trying to grab air with your bare hands!"
To this day i still wonder why the only one who laughed was me.
But just when i thought it couldnt have got any worse, The movie decided to pull a fast one on me: somewhere at the end, Lupin turned into a naked hobo in a cheap mask.
At that point, I screamed. My hamster screamed. My dead ancestors rose from the grave and screamed. The future generation of my family built a time machine, teleported to my living room, and screamed. Then I screamed again.
In conclusion, I'd like to say that watching Harry Potter is indeed a bad movie- the equivalent of having a bunch of hedgehogs crawl up your ass, run around, then decide to have a Dance Dance Revolution tournament. If Hitler had watched it, he would have locked the producer in the Ghetto. If Stalin had watched it, he would have him purged. I, However, do not have either of their powers, and will do what any dude my age would do: Curse and insult. Alot.
Yea, im still screaming.
It's been such a long time since i last updated this blog. A ton of things has happened since the last update, i'd be hard pressed to squeeze it all in one entry.
First, my birthday on June the 15th. A large thanks to those who remembered- i couldnt have survived the day with calls from only aunties. Now I'm 16, and besides being able to watch a new range of movies (legally), my age is now an even number.
Go even numbers.
I also got a Gmail account, thanks to Caroline and newly aquinted Jan. Thank you Jan, i will never forget this blessing you have bestowed on me. You qualify for blind idol worship, although you probably already knew that with your divine genius. Thank you again, and did i mention you rock.
"But Jeremy, this is all old news! With so many happenings, why didnt you post a blog entry sooner" you ask? My birthday and
I needed something so incredibly interesting that i couldnt help but write about it.
And that thing came, in the form of one of the worst movies i have seen in a very long time- Enter the third installment Harry Potter
Don't get me wrong, i have nothing against the series or the book. I do not diss to get recognition, but the movie i watched was wrong for so many reasons i apologize if it does sound like it.
Now be warned, there are spoilers ahead, though i dont think it'll make the movie any worse than it already is. From there on out, it could only get better.
We're greeted with a scene which shows Harry Potter and tiny special effects to remind us, the viewers, the the movie will actually involve magic. I cant find any other explanation for it, except that it was created with no purpose whatsoever, and viewers like me would be too distracted by this pointless sight to concentrate on the rest of the movie, which in my case would have been considered a plus.
Unfortunately, my brain was cursed with the gift of "giving things a chance", and so i decided to forget the introduction and move on, in hopes of enjoying the movie. Of all the bad decisions in my life, I can safely say that was one of the worst.
The ensuing scenes started to then cut up any hope of this being a movie worth spending money on, and i slowly started to concentrate more on my popcorn.
After Harry steps onto the Knight Bus, we're introduced to a talking Shrunken Head. Not exactly the best media for humour, but I'll give him originality points. However, its jokes were about as bad as its looks, and i decided they were probably linked somehow. Sadly, it was also the funniest thing for an hour, but no matter how much bigger 2 is than 0, it is still a tiny number, which is more than you can say for 0.
On the train we meet a Nazgul, and Harry (being the protagonist) automatically became the ring bearer. Throughout the entire story we see Nazgul do nothing more than fly around and do Nazgul shit (Play haunt the ringbearer, such as fly around Hogwarts- which suddenly had a clock tower zapped straight from Zelda, the same way the leaky cauldron had morphed into knockturn alley, and the theatre had morphed into a torture chamber.
There are a ton of things i could say but i'll sum it up in one nice word- Incomplete. The movie had a plot so simple, so rushed, it could have been done in an hour. What was the other hour? Alot of bad scenes (hippogriff riding, wine glass breaking, bus-between-bus action) designed for cheap laughs, and seeing as how i find stupidity funny, I had alot of cheap laughs.
Of course the movie had its moments, like when a small chubby negro said to Harry at the dinner table "Black is everywhere! It's like trying to grab air with your bare hands!"
To this day i still wonder why the only one who laughed was me.
But just when i thought it couldnt have got any worse, The movie decided to pull a fast one on me: somewhere at the end, Lupin turned into a naked hobo in a cheap mask.
At that point, I screamed. My hamster screamed. My dead ancestors rose from the grave and screamed. The future generation of my family built a time machine, teleported to my living room, and screamed. Then I screamed again.
In conclusion, I'd like to say that watching Harry Potter is indeed a bad movie- the equivalent of having a bunch of hedgehogs crawl up your ass, run around, then decide to have a Dance Dance Revolution tournament. If Hitler had watched it, he would have locked the producer in the Ghetto. If Stalin had watched it, he would have him purged. I, However, do not have either of their powers, and will do what any dude my age would do: Curse and insult. Alot.
Yea, im still screaming.