- There are many evil things in this world.
And apparently, UMNO specialises in all of them.
Dont get me wrong now, this isnt another political shot at that annoying little political party. I mean, no, why would i do that?
Instead, you folks are treated to oodles and oodles of fun, exciting RAMBLING! By golly, take a step back!
What is this all about? What sort of nonsense am i babbling? What the hell are you still doing here? The answer is simple my friend. So simple, in fact, that i'm not even going to joke around it. Yes, i'm going to take a breather from my routine of "one-joke-per-line". (also, these may look like 3 lines without a joke in them, but there is. Really)
Tomorrow i have a test on the history of Singapore, which, oddly enough, compromises of 80% Malaya's history. Why is this bad? I'll tell you why: It's so incredibly boring, learning about why the British even bothered with this hunk of tin, to the little bitch slaps Malaya and Singapore threw each other during the union. It also is a large, blatant chunk of propaganda.
Why do i say this? Well, firstly, the book makes the Malays sound very retarded. Now, allow me to quote:
"Malays ist verlangsamt" - Mein Kampf
(note, words may have been edited here and there)
Other than that, Singapore tries to show why it is, in fact, great. And why it's in the right. But that's not even the half of it.
The very fact i hate studying this boring heap of filth, coupled with the fact that 80% of it MALAYAN, has made me dislike Malays even more. Yup, it's worked.
So we've come one big round, and back to "This subject is ghey". Dont get me wrong, i love History, just not the Singaporean half. Never, EVER believe that "take it as a story!" bullcrap.
Speaking of stories, i know! Lets play a game! You are... Darek madeupman (or Darekina madeupwoman- though you've got to admit it doesnt sound half as catchy). By sheer coincidence and badluck you have been forced by the mafia to enter.... school. Your legs tremble upon entering the compound, and you're quickly given a choice to study one of 2 humanities!
If you go ahead and look at your options, go to "LOOK". If you decide to weasel out of this, go to "CHICKEN"
LOOK
You move up to the list and see the following: History and Literature.
To pick History, scroll down to "HAVE YOU NOT BEEN READING?!"
To pick Literature, scroll down to "WTF"
HAVE YOU NOT BEEN READING?!:
You decide to pick up history and purchase your books. Open purchase, you notice one of them is Singaporean history. After reading said book, you find it a colossal waste of time.
To throw the book into the dustbin and hatred, go to "BIN"
To bear with it and try to study it, go to "MISTAKE"
MISTAKE:
You try to bear with it. Everyday, you endure gruelling hours trying to study the subject. Days and months pass, and your brain starts to detioriate because of its contents. But you press on, ignoring the odd fluid dripping out your years. Many decades later, you have managed to master the subject, at the expense of your fertility and an eye. Overjoyed, you run out to the road, proclaiming that you indeed know your country. People all over the world are shocked that you have done so, but also avoid you for being crazy enough to attempt such a stunt. You end up feeling very lonely and decide to eat Mcdonalds, when you suddenly get a Heart Attack and DIE. GAME OVER.
CHICKEN:
You decide not to go through this ridiculous charade, and exit the school compound. However, you forget that the mafia has eyes everywhere, and in seconds a few goons leap from the shadows. Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom. Fortunately for you, you know enough martial arts to fend them away. Unfortunately for you, they have dogs. You decide to flee, knowing that there's no way you could beat something half your size. On the way, you manage to find a cave, and hide in there. You hide there for 10 years, living on the moss growing inside, for fear of the dogs. One day, you decide to peek your head out to check for the dogs. They're gone. you rejoice, and step outside, ready to enjoy life again. You then suddenly contract syphillis and die. GAME OVER.
WTF:
You decide to pick literature, knowing your supreme liguistic skills. You enter the class, till you realise you forgot to purchase your books. The class laughs at you, and the teacher uses you as a lesson for "Irony". From that they onward, you're used as a puppet for the teacher to explain literature's most intricate and complex writing techniques. Because of this, you never have a life. One day, you decide to rebel, and burst into a flurry of insults. The teacher, shocked that you have feelings, utters an apology. You feel fulfilled. Suddenly, you contract Parkinson's Disease, start rolling on the floor, and die. GAME OVER
BIN:
You throw the book in the bin, realising you have no need for such garbage. Months later, there is a test on said subject. Everyone passes except you. However, you notice that the studying of Singaporean History has degenerated their faces. You feel very relieved, and resort to mocking them to achieve your ends from that day forward. Years pass, and the class decides they hate you. They form a gang to hunt you down and kill you. Narrowly escaping a siege on your house, you flee into a nearby drain, where you subsist on guppies and rats. You realise you have made a terrible mistake, and days later, burst from the drains in apology. Your friends, softhearted, decide to forgive you. Then you suddenly contract SARS. You survive. THE END, YOU WIN!
What does this tell you? I dont like modern world history. No, not a bit.
I'm tired, and that usually means its time to let you off the hook, and for me to stop writing.
END:
You exit Jeremy's blog, brushing away the insane humanity it has driven into your noggin. You assure yourself you wont ever look at something so retarded again. You feel assured, and that builds up your self esteem. 2 seconds later, Jeremy talks to you again, either on messenger or some odd means. You cry. GAME OVER.
And apparently, UMNO specialises in all of them.
Dont get me wrong now, this isnt another political shot at that annoying little political party. I mean, no, why would i do that?
Instead, you folks are treated to oodles and oodles of fun, exciting RAMBLING! By golly, take a step back!
What is this all about? What sort of nonsense am i babbling? What the hell are you still doing here? The answer is simple my friend. So simple, in fact, that i'm not even going to joke around it. Yes, i'm going to take a breather from my routine of "one-joke-per-line". (also, these may look like 3 lines without a joke in them, but there is. Really)
Tomorrow i have a test on the history of Singapore, which, oddly enough, compromises of 80% Malaya's history. Why is this bad? I'll tell you why: It's so incredibly boring, learning about why the British even bothered with this hunk of tin, to the little bitch slaps Malaya and Singapore threw each other during the union. It also is a large, blatant chunk of propaganda.
Why do i say this? Well, firstly, the book makes the Malays sound very retarded. Now, allow me to quote:
"Malays ist verlangsamt" - Mein Kampf
(note, words may have been edited here and there)
Other than that, Singapore tries to show why it is, in fact, great. And why it's in the right. But that's not even the half of it.
The very fact i hate studying this boring heap of filth, coupled with the fact that 80% of it MALAYAN, has made me dislike Malays even more. Yup, it's worked.
So we've come one big round, and back to "This subject is ghey". Dont get me wrong, i love History, just not the Singaporean half. Never, EVER believe that "take it as a story!" bullcrap.
Speaking of stories, i know! Lets play a game! You are... Darek madeupman (or Darekina madeupwoman- though you've got to admit it doesnt sound half as catchy). By sheer coincidence and badluck you have been forced by the mafia to enter.... school. Your legs tremble upon entering the compound, and you're quickly given a choice to study one of 2 humanities!
If you go ahead and look at your options, go to "LOOK". If you decide to weasel out of this, go to "CHICKEN"
LOOK
You move up to the list and see the following: History and Literature.
To pick History, scroll down to "HAVE YOU NOT BEEN READING?!"
To pick Literature, scroll down to "WTF"
HAVE YOU NOT BEEN READING?!:
You decide to pick up history and purchase your books. Open purchase, you notice one of them is Singaporean history. After reading said book, you find it a colossal waste of time.
To throw the book into the dustbin and hatred, go to "BIN"
To bear with it and try to study it, go to "MISTAKE"
MISTAKE:
You try to bear with it. Everyday, you endure gruelling hours trying to study the subject. Days and months pass, and your brain starts to detioriate because of its contents. But you press on, ignoring the odd fluid dripping out your years. Many decades later, you have managed to master the subject, at the expense of your fertility and an eye. Overjoyed, you run out to the road, proclaiming that you indeed know your country. People all over the world are shocked that you have done so, but also avoid you for being crazy enough to attempt such a stunt. You end up feeling very lonely and decide to eat Mcdonalds, when you suddenly get a Heart Attack and DIE. GAME OVER.
CHICKEN:
You decide not to go through this ridiculous charade, and exit the school compound. However, you forget that the mafia has eyes everywhere, and in seconds a few goons leap from the shadows. Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom. Fortunately for you, you know enough martial arts to fend them away. Unfortunately for you, they have dogs. You decide to flee, knowing that there's no way you could beat something half your size. On the way, you manage to find a cave, and hide in there. You hide there for 10 years, living on the moss growing inside, for fear of the dogs. One day, you decide to peek your head out to check for the dogs. They're gone. you rejoice, and step outside, ready to enjoy life again. You then suddenly contract syphillis and die. GAME OVER.
WTF:
You decide to pick literature, knowing your supreme liguistic skills. You enter the class, till you realise you forgot to purchase your books. The class laughs at you, and the teacher uses you as a lesson for "Irony". From that they onward, you're used as a puppet for the teacher to explain literature's most intricate and complex writing techniques. Because of this, you never have a life. One day, you decide to rebel, and burst into a flurry of insults. The teacher, shocked that you have feelings, utters an apology. You feel fulfilled. Suddenly, you contract Parkinson's Disease, start rolling on the floor, and die. GAME OVER
BIN:
You throw the book in the bin, realising you have no need for such garbage. Months later, there is a test on said subject. Everyone passes except you. However, you notice that the studying of Singaporean History has degenerated their faces. You feel very relieved, and resort to mocking them to achieve your ends from that day forward. Years pass, and the class decides they hate you. They form a gang to hunt you down and kill you. Narrowly escaping a siege on your house, you flee into a nearby drain, where you subsist on guppies and rats. You realise you have made a terrible mistake, and days later, burst from the drains in apology. Your friends, softhearted, decide to forgive you. Then you suddenly contract SARS. You survive. THE END, YOU WIN!
What does this tell you? I dont like modern world history. No, not a bit.
I'm tired, and that usually means its time to let you off the hook, and for me to stop writing.
END:
You exit Jeremy's blog, brushing away the insane humanity it has driven into your noggin. You assure yourself you wont ever look at something so retarded again. You feel assured, and that builds up your self esteem. 2 seconds later, Jeremy talks to you again, either on messenger or some odd means. You cry. GAME OVER.
» Post a Comment